That's What She Said.

Life is funny. I'll save you the hallmark-y stuff about how good things happen when you least expect them and to never fear because life will turn a corner and etcetera, ad infinitum.

Good things are happening to me now, all over the place. First and foremost, a friend is starting her own business (under a very stable contract) and has offered me a position with her that relates to my field of study, lets me work less, and bring in a similar (albeit slightly less, but c'mon, ten hours a week to spend how I please is worth it) income. This means that my stint at my current unstable, obnoxious, uninteresting, too-much-work-for-too-little-appreciation job is coming to a close.


I cannot begin to tell you how this has begun to change my outlook on just about everything. I feel like I'm finally getting out of the rut I've been in for the last almost two years. This has been the catalyst to me feeling like myself again: I am funky, I am stylish, I am different. I'm not the conservative prep with no personality that I've been dressing as for so long.

So I cut my hair. Seven inches off of it, actually, and I feel amazing. And I'm wearing makeup and earrings and acting like I give a damn about what I look like, because I feel good inside.

These are wonderful things.

In addition, we got a puppy who has been the loviest little thing, and I have been delighting in watching him stumble around and learn and grow. His name is Trumpy, he's a daschund, and pictures are forthcoming.

So... things are good. Everything has been a whirlwind of change for the past couple of months, and I think that I'm finally satisfied with where things are laying. I'll leave it all alone for awhile, and enjoy this satisfaction while it lasts.

Did Somebody Break A Mirror?

I am sick. I have a cold, or a flu, or something similarly unpleasant. This would normally be something that wouldn't necessarily phase me - it's fall, after all, school is just in session and doesn't EVERYONE get sick right about now? - however, this seems to be the latest in a long line of displeasing or down right obnoxious things to happen. Let us recount:

1. Finding out my job may be in danger.
2. Wedding debacle. Chock full of smaller debacles, this is the big daddy of the badness.
3. Starting school at an institution that is... well, let's call it disorganized. And small.
4. My birthday being the day after school started, and being spent entirely at work and school.
5. That night, tearing my eyeball while taking out contacts with the leftover fake nails from the wedding.
6. Chris got an expensive speeding ticket.
7. This crappy illness.

Seems kind of unlucky, right? I don't know what's going on with my life and/or body, but what I DO know is that I have taken off a shitload of work lately, and I'm kind of afraid to take off anymore (see #1) even though the reasons have all been genuine, excused, and justified (wedding, temporary blindness, and whooping cough).

But is it getting me down? Not especially. I'm aware of the suckiness of the situation, but said suckiness isn't bothering me so terribly. I think it normally would, but I'm still stoked and energized from having seen all of my people so recently, and excited about making new friends at school. There are good things, and for once, it's nice to have that in the front of my mind. Healing!

(In addition, I have some super good news to report: Duckman FINALLY came out on DVD today! I have been waiting for this for so many years. Yessss.)

Passion... Fruit?

Since classes started for my school, I am in a new program. It's the Social Work program and I'm learning some really interesting, really inspiring things.

But I don't really feel like I belong there. I am told over and over by those who know me, and who have experience with this field that I'm past these people in terms of familiarity with the field - I just don't realize it. I'm told that I will be a good social worker and a better counselor, that where I am is where I belong. That I should start thinking of myself as a provider.

My classmates all have, and can identify, a Passion (with a capital P). They each have something that they care about, a subject they have researched and considered and are something of an authority on. Anytime we are asked to introduce ourselves, and talk about why we are in the Social Work program, they state their name, their background and their Passion.

I don't think I have a Passion. Does no Passion = wrong for the program? Or does it just mean I haven't found it yet? With most subjects, I play things close to the vest, and talking openly about Passions makes me uncomfortable. Does discomfort with Passion spell my doom in terms of helping others? Or can I help them without exposing myself (not literally. heh.) to others? Is being comfortable showing one's inner self necessary to be helpful to those in need? Will I, in time, feel okay with connecting on a deeper level with people I don't know well?

Stay tuned...

Name Change: Impressions

I'm mostly (around 80%, if I were to venture a guess) through with changing my last name. Well, from changing my last name to a second middle name and then slapping a new last name onto the end. This has been problematic, because no one can seem to understand that, no, Maidenname is NOT a first last-name, it's a second middle. The distinction is important, for crap's sake. Or also that when middle initials are used, BOTH MIDDLE INITIALS go there. I have TWO middle names, and ONE last name.

This isn't supposed to be so difficult. Damn, people.

There are three things I feel you need to know, speaking of this name change thing:
1) I am surprised by how many people, upon hearing the new last name, want to talk about Die Hard. I feel very sorry for my father-in-law, whose whole name is the same as a Die Hard character. I only share the character's last name, and it's spelled differently, to boot.
2) When Chris calls me at work, my new name pops up on the caller ID. I get super excited when this happens.
3) Changing your name is a pain in the ass. There, I've said it.

With a Vengeance.

I am ever so sorry for the long hiatus. It was brought on by visiting relatives, wedding preparations, wedding drama, and wedding exhaustion. Oh, and then school starting.

I will refrain from heavily recapping the wedding, but I will say this: it wasn't what I expected it to be. I didn't feel how I thought I would, mostly better but I didn't have the "wedding tunnel vision" that I was expecting. Y'know, that maybe some things would be different than I wanted but I wouldn't care because "I AM GETTING MARRIED TODAY"... only I was my same perfectionistic self and overall I was disappointed. For many days following the wedding, I had serious issues which resulted in my inability to eat, really, anything. Or think about anything else. Or have normal sleep.

But things are becoming rosier in my memory as it fades, and for that I am grateful. I have to admit that I am a little scared to see the professional photos in case they jog my memory.

However! There were some good things. My new husband is amazing (and totally hot, to boot), and I'm excited to finally be married. My friends surprised me by saying some really lovely things, and I was amazed by how glad I was to see my family. My mother and brother made me feel like home again while they were here, and being with them and my two best friends since middle school was a really surreal experience.

So now we're settling in. We bought a car, as my old one was awful and unreliable, and I'm over the moon at not having to fret over any car problems for at least six years (because we got the uber warranty, the one that covers everything up to the glove box latch), which is new for me. I had gotten used to having to get my car fixed every few months.

I have been baking and cooking often since things have begun to settle down. This morning I made Amish White Bread, and yesterday it was Banana Muffins. I'm really savoring this long weekend, because once we get back to regular weeks I won't have time to cook a frozen pizza. School started a week ago and I am already inundated with reading and papers and research and I'm trying not to be crazed about finishing it right. this. second. but it bothers me to have unfinished work, even though I have no motivation to do it (how's that work?).

In any case, I am back. With a vengeance.